Sooo… let’s be truthful here. I stole the neighbors dog but the neighbors dog stole my heart first. It has been almost a year since I decided to keep the dog who kept coming over and sleeping on the lawn chairs on the back porch.
His name is Tom.. I didn’t pick it the neighbors did.. but I also call him Wolfenstein aka Wolffie… He just got back from the vet and has to be a conehead for a while… I got him neutered. I didn’t want to but I also didn’t want him to repopulate the area with black ninja puppies either.
So, I booked a fight that was only supposed to be 48 minutes long, but it was delayed. That should have been strike one..
So I go thru the security and I’m feeling confident in my maxi skirt and perfect tee from Lularoe, then my nightmare happened I had to step aside after the full body scan.
The lady kindly asked if she could pat me down in the front and back…
I was like I have no pockets and I’m wearing a skirt and t-shirt. She said I just need to check.
So now I’m freaking out… in wondering is there some hydraulic oil residue on me from my job? Am I getting harassed because I’m not a size zero where you can see my bones without the scanner. At this point I’m thinking what could it be… she keeps me to the side and says I’m going to have to pat your thighs.. now I’m losing it. I tell her I have on a skirt, panties, a tank top, and a bra how much more do u want to see while I stand out here in the middle of the room. So she does and I say I’ve never had this happen…she tells me it’s the layers, your skirt is folded down and your tank is tight like body armour. I’m going to need to test your hands. I’m now at the point where I panic I think I’m going to jail and no one will understand that I’m wearing a yummy tank by that new York housewife that’s supposed to make you look thinner…..not like body amour!!
I passed the 2nd test and she lets me go and find my luggage and shoes..
While I am doing this an attractive man says… I was betting on you to pull thru…they always pick on the fat ones.
I looked at him and said..
“I’m not fat my shadow is…”
He smile and said no problem I like em thick.
I got to my gate only to find out the plane was more delayed than previously mentioned…
I looked around for a place at the small bar but it was packed..
Feeling like I needed a forklift to lift me on the bar stool I was feeling pretty low.